Ariyawen

Good Friday thoughts:

I don’t believe in substitutionary atonement. As I’ve commented in the past, I don’t believe God set up all of creation, called it good, then turned around and ‘tested’ the first two people, who – of course – failed the perfection test, whereupon God HAD to declare ALL of humanity fallen forevermore, destined for hell, until God finally sent Jesus, God’s own son, who God had murdered so God could call it even-steven-all’s-forgiven.

Another reason I don’t believe the substitutionary atonement story is because the focus then becomes ME. I am such a worm. I have sinned. I have fallen short. I am the reason for every lash, every thorn prick, every pound of the hammer. Me, me, ME. It’s all about ME. I spend my finite emotional energy feeling ‘bad’. And doesn’t that feel good? Look at how contrite I am. Look at how Christian I am.

Except that’s not what Jesus asked me to do. He was pretty darn clear about where he wanted his followers to spend their time and energy. And that was in feeding the hungry, giving water to the thirsty, clothing the under-clothed, caring for the sick, visiting the imprisoned.

Jesus’ statements were truly visionary in light of today’s world, where companies like Nestle are buying up water rights (including the right to rain water), which means that poor people in many parts of the world have NO ACCESS to water at all.

His statements were truly visionary as we look at America, which refuses to provide all of its citizens medical care, instead doling it out to those who can pay, and turning a blind eye when the financially insecure are ruined, or when the poor die.

And when he commanded his followers to do these things, he did NOT add the caveat, “If they’re deserving.” He didn’t ask us to set up a complicated system to be sure only the ‘truly’ needy received help. He didn’t ask us to judge everyone to be sure ‘cheaters’ weren’t included. He didn’t ask his followers to be watchdogs for ‘laziness’. (In fact, he had a pretty pointed parable that advocated for equal pay regardless of hours worked.)

No, what he said was: FEED. GIVE WATER. CLOTHE. PROVIDE MEDICAL CARE. VISIT.

And he also said DON’T JUDGE. He said this a LOT.

When I play the ‘who is deserving‘ game, I become the judging crowd who shouts, “Crucify him!”

“Why don’t they just get a job?” Crucify!
“Why don’t they get a BETTER job?” Crucify!
“Why don’t they move? (But not here)” Crucify!
“They must be lazy.” CRUCIFY!

These statements are the nails. If I say them, if I believe them, I am the hammer. I am the rough, unfeeling, unyielding cross upon which Jesus bleeds.

For me, the meaning of the crucifixion is clear. Stand up for justice, not ‘legality’. Stand up for food for all, water for all, clothing for all, health care for all, compassion for all. Then, and ONLY then, may I kneel at the cross and say, My God and My Savior. Anything else is wallowing self-service.

A client commissioned me to create two joyful pieces of angel art, and I did. They fit her personality – light, bright, open. She was delighted. (Which, of course, delights me.)

Yesterday, on the eve of the new year, the second piece whispered to me. “I need to be darker, stronger – a talisman to guard the way for the year to come.”

So I followed where she led and, sure enough, a sentinel appeared, full of power – standing between light and dark.

The Sentinel

Hear the cosmos
swirl and sigh:
comfort! caution!
conflict! cheer!
Breathe deep
take courage
stand firm
I am
within you
around you
armor of joy
be heartened
look skyward
eyes filled with hope
the brightest star of all.

She will be my reminder – I have a sentinel, I AM a sentinel, for the months and years to come.

If she speaks to you, as well, she is available on watercolor paper. Here’s where to find her: The Sentinel

It’s that time of year. To what am I drawn to focus upon for the upcoming year? I completed the Focus exercise (https://ariyawen.com/focus/) and this is the list:

Join me, and enjoy FOCUS in your life, too.

“Celtic tradition is ancient or elemental – a return to the elements, the earth, stone, fire, water, the ebb and flow of tides and seasons, the pattern of the year as it swings on its axis from Samhaine, 1 November when all grows dark, to Beltaine, 1 May the coming of light and spring. To pray the Celtic way means above all to be aware of this rhythm of dark and light. The dark and the light are themselves symbols of the Celtic refusal to deny darkness, pain, suffering and yet to exult in rejoicing, celebration, in the fullness and goodness of life. This is in itself a recognition of the fullness of my own humanity.” – Esther De Waal, The Celtic Way of Prayer.

This morning during altar time, I pulled an oracle card. It read:

“In the same way that if we were moving house, we would need to sort through our possessions and sometimes it’s an opportunity to let go of that which we do not wish to take with us into our new life, as we prepare to move into a higher level of consciousness, there are old habits, stuck emotions and stagnant energy that do not belong in our new life cycle.

“The path of purification and initiation by celestial fire is preparation for spiritual enlightenment, greater happiness, wellbeing, prosperity, success, spiritual responsibility and leadership. It can be a challenging time as that which would stand in the way of a new level of spiritual potency must be eliminated…we cannot let go if we don’t even realise what we are holding onto within us.

“This initiation will help you release any old baggage or pain that will not resonate with the higher levels of light you are preparing to live. It can feel challenging, but know that NOTHING IS WRONG. There is actually something quite right behind these experiences. “To pass this initiation, we must be prepared to surrender that which needs to be burned away. It is safe to let the heavenly fire have its way. Soon the celestial fire will have done its work and you will arise like a glorious phoenix, ready for a new life.”

And then I entered into meditation, and this is the vision I had:

A pillar of fire, arising from my head, fueled from deep within by the burning & purging of all that does not serve me. A Presence steps from the pillar, dressed in beautiful orange-pink robes that are flame.

“Do not worry. Do not fear the flames. I am guiding them. They will burn only the chaff.” Then she held out her hand. “Come!” she commanded. And I lept, eager & delighted, into her hands.

“See how beautiful and perfect you are? Perfect for the purpose for which you were created?”

And I saw myself, an arrow. My head was sharp, beautifully carved of diamond that reflected sparkling light all around. “Your mind is sharp & swift, able to cut through all obstacles, able to find the target toward which I loose you.”

“Your shaft,” and I shivered with pleasure & joy as she lovingly caressed me, “your shaft is smooth & polished to great depth. It has been burnished by the fire. See how strong? See how flexible?”

“And your feathers will hold you true. See how beautiful I made them? I didn’t have to, but it delighted me to make you beautiful. Now I will nock you to my bow and release you. Fly true, beautiful arrow.”

(I was, of course, crying by now.)

“Don’t worry about harming others as you fly, because I hold your course. Worry neither left nor right. Fly for the joy of flying, and for the joy of the purpose for which I send you.”

I understood that the disquiet I’ve been feeling is the burning of attachments that do not serve me, of expectations that do not serve the Divine, of attitudes that would prevent the arrow – me – from flying true. What is left is eagerness, joy & a sense that I am ready. I am perfectly designed for my divine purpose. I am who I am.

Annually I create a FOCUS list – a short statement of the things most important to me for the upcoming year. It reminds me where to spend my time and energy. It helps me to say NO when the urgent (but not necessarily important) starts flaming and shouting in front of me.

This year, I’m a little early with the list. That’s OK. This isn’t a solar thing, it’s a heart/soul thing. I know when it’s time to refocus.

I make it my computer background so that I see it every day. That’s all I do, really – I just read it daily. Over the next months, I’ve found that my life naturally unfolds along the paths of my focus. It feels like magic. Maybe it is.

If you’d like to create your own FOCUS list, here are the instructions: FOCUS. I’d love to hear how the list works for you.

Confession time: I quit studying Christian scripture years ago. It was a mindset I couldn’t identify with – so many war analogies, prayers for enemies to be slaughtered, not to mention the belittling of women and ‘others’ – it just didn’t seem godly.

But in the past year, I’ve returned to the Bible. This time, instead of viewing it as <cue trumpets> ***God’s Word***, I’ve read it as words written by people like me. People who were frustrated and angry at inequity in the world. People who’d been deeply wounded. People who were searching for the divine, not on a mountain top, but in the midst of the mire.

These days, I usually read the words aloud, because that’s how they would have been originally presented. I read the angry passages angrily, and I must admit, it feels pretty good to let my frustration out via the words of a kindred soul. I read the loving passages and feel my heart soar to the figurative heavens on the wings of those words. When I let them be people’s words, addressed to the Unknown they – we – so desperately want to know, I am moved.

I’ve started writing poetry in response to some of the passages. I’m surprised at what arises when I spend time wrestling with these ancient thoughts. Here’s a sample:

Ephesians 6:13 – 17

I have SO MUCH pushback against warlike analogies, and the Bible is rife with them. Here were my thoughts when reading about the ‘breastplate of righteousness’, etc.

I want no armor
instead
give me permeability
spaces so large that arrows fly through
no place to land
not empty spaces
but Spirit-filled
so stinging arrows are transformed
transmuted
into words, actions & objects
of Love.

I don’t want to be impervious
but porous
allowing all to flow through
so neither pain nor praise
finds a landing place
just movement
vessel ever-emptying
and ever filled.

Isaiah 40

Sneaking in a little Celtic ecology – the oneness of all creation. 🙂

Penance is done
when I slip my hand
into the hand
of the One,
grin into that grinning face
feel the shock of Spirit move up my arm
from our clasped hands
slap
my other hand against a tree
feel the same Spirit
circuit complete
I am alive.

Habakkuk 2:1-3

I thought about the people of Syria – my people – as I wrote this.

This time
my prayer is not
‘help them’
it’s
‘help me’
Help me now to
reach out
grab their hands
pull them to safety
God
SEND ME.
I don’t need
to pray
to think
to ponder.
I need to act.
God
help me to act.

The next two poems are examples of how differently a passage can strike me. The poems were written a month apart, after separate readings of the same verses.

James 5:7 – 11

Strength
is the wrong word.
It’s not strength.
I am not
strong.
I am stubborn,
willfully standing
upon scorched earth
muscles clenched
against the impulse
to flee.

_______________________________

James 5:7 – 11

Grey dove
sits on her nest
sits uncomfortably perched
atop her eggs
which could be stones
for all she knows.
I doubt her tiny brain
comprehends the life
growing beneath her.
Why does she stay?
Instinct.
Instinct holds her
as she waits
she waits
for an unknown miracle
she waits.

I wait, too.
I wait though my tiny brain
cannot comprehend the miracle
of a Divine return.
I don’t believe.
Why do I stay?
It must be instinct
as I wait
I wait
for something unknown
I wait.

I think the last poem is the truth for many of us. We don’t get it. We aren’t sure if there is an ‘it’. Yet something compells us to search, to wait, to reach out. Or perhaps to write poetry.